Me in Quarantine
Being in this lockdown situation has given me the chance to get to know myself on another level - sounds weird i know but having all of this extra time on my hands has given me space to reflect... I am in no way the type of person who opens up emotionally, i generally keep myself to myself and stay busy because that's how i have always programmed my brain to work. The thought of not being able to work and being stuck at home all day for the forseeeable future was a scary concept - all i have known for the past 22 years is to graft, I started my first job aged 15 at Wimpy as a waitress and have worked, worked and worked my way up to where i am now...
Initially when Covid-19 became a pandemic and the govenment enforced lockdown on the country i panicked - A massive wave of anxiety and stress hit me, I just did not know what i was going to do. Being someone who relys on organisation and structure to function, the uncertainty of it all created a lot madness in my brain... The potential of having nothing to focus on did not help me to remain motivated.
Realisation - #LightbulbMoment
Over these few months i have become very aware of the fact that i have an addiction to work, well an addiction to the stress of it... Interesting?? Looking back over the years from a young age i have always had the responsibility of being in leadership roles and i believe that this has greatly impacted the way in which I approach and process the completion of tasks. I do my abosolute best work when i am under pressure.
Being involved in the competitve side of dance instilled this in me - there would be times that i (as troupe trainer) would have to change routines that had been set for championship comps the night before with dancers missing or even on a few occaisons have to re-choreograph routines an hour before having to compete... The stress of it made me work to my optimal level at those specific times, knowing that it had to be done to ensure that the troupe would not forfeit or lose the chance of competing for a championship title was what drove me. This developed further into college, university, work and now within my own business... I strongly believe that throughout my life i have unconsciously created the element of stress to trigger the part of my brain that helps me to work at my best.
Anyone who knows me knows that i am constantly busy, i had no idea how to say no to anything up until a couple of years ago whilst going through action learning workshops on The School for Social Entreprenuers programme - Working this fast-paced for two thirds of my life, my body has become depended on the chemical reaction of stress therefore not working to normal capacity throughout the lockdown has been a shock to the system. However, it has made me realise that it is not great for my wellbeing to put myself under so much strain.
The main thing was adapting to a new structure... Once i had focused on this and opened up to a different mindset i was flying! Having an over-active mind, i want to be teaching, doing admin, making calls, scheduling social media, dancing, creating, meeting new people, organising new sesions - basically doing everything right now in one day, which is obviously impossible. In-terms of the business i had to choose one area to focus on, in this current situation we are all limited to what we can do - my only option was Active Communities scheme.
For Active Communites to continue to operate within this period of lockdown i had to act fast so classes that participants had already paid for needed to be avavilable online asap, once i had got my head around this i then had to think about how i was going to move forward. Initially I struggled with the range of classes i had to offer and questioned myself and how people would react to continuing with just Fitness Fusion classes online for the forseeable. I decided to go with what would keep me motivated whilst at home at the same time as continuting to reach out to participants and if they wanted to get involved through digital platforms it was upto them, no pressure.
Now i have 6 Fitness Fusion classes scheduled to fit in with my normal working days - morning sessions to get me up and out of bed and evening sessions to finish off the day positively... I am also continuing to inspire the wellbeing and happiness of my current paticipants and i have accepted that this is enough for now and that this is okay.
Something i realised is how negative social media makes me feel sometimes, at the start of this pandemic it was crazy - scrolling through endless posts, letting things get into my mind... It's a known fact that people do fabricate social media posts, nobody lives in a perfect world but how sad is it that we as a society need to showcase everything that we do in a kind of competitive nature for likes and shares. I decided to stay away from scrolling so it didn't impact my wellbeing, me being a lively person, i did not want to let others actions bring me down.
At home it's been nice to just be... I have accepted the situation that the business is in and although the safety net has been removed i continue to remain positive. It's all about perspective, how you look at the cards you are dealt and creating opportuinities for yourself. I do not buy into the negativity that 2020 is now over, it's all about change... Life is different for now, i am choosing to accept the change and build my life and business in a fresh way.
So i started to write things down - oh wow it helps! These past few months i have been all by myself (cue Celine Dion ha) in my flat with nobody to converse with... If there was an Olympic sport for talking i would sure be up there competeing for the gold, it goes with my personality and is one of my better qualities when it comes to making people feel at ease... Lockdown has definately had a massive impact on my socialising. I focused on jotting things down here and there and recording good and bad days. I enjoy it now. It isn't something that i do everyday, just when i feel the need and i like that i now feel the urge to record my thoughts and feelings, seeing them written down on a page is refreshing. Anyone who knows me will be aware that i don't speak openly, bottling emotions up does on occasion take it's toll but i find that as i can now look back over my words it is greatly therapeutic. I reccomend that everyone should have some form of journal as it does really help with maintaining your wellbeing.
"Perhaps this is what this season is all about: Trusting in the unknowns, finding gold in the little things, trading fear of what's uncertain for freedom to thrive within it." Morgan Harper Nichols
Class Dates and Times
- Beech Hall Care Home, 1 Far Fold Lane, Leeds
- 10:30 - 11:15
- Older Peoples Health
- Birstall Community Centre, Market Street, Birstall, WF17 9EN
- 19:15 - 20:00
- Active Communities
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